Northbridge : Is Perth's Best Suburb Dead Already?

Say goodbye to Northbridge. Well, the Northbridge as you know it. If you think Northbridge is scary in 2010 (it isn't), fast forward to 2015, just five years from now. There are now plenty of new restaurants - The Sizzler has opened up in the disused DV8 nightclub, the Krispy Kreme Mega-plex is finally up and running. Wok-In-A-Box is in the same location that Billy Lee's Chinese Restaurant formerly occupied -  the increased rents in Chinatown forced a move out to the burbs (north of Walcott St). Finally, the Butcher Shop, one of the first William St tennants in the new revival of Perth's best street, called it a day. That spot is now Witchery for Men, right next door to Perth's first Baby Giordano...

What happened? Well, before we explore that, let me just say, at this point in time, it's unstoppable. Inevitably, Northbridge rents will finally reflect the true value of the area. A small suburb on the CBD's doorstep, full of character architecture and ethnic diversity, it was only a matter of time before daytime Northbridge moved from multicultural independents to multinational franchises.

The Northbridge Link, the project that will finally link the city with Northbridge, was the biggest nail in the coffin. Up until the Link was completed, Northbridge was firmly on the wrong side of the tracks. Now, in 2015, there is a seemless transition from King Street, home of such franchises as Gucci, LV, and Tiffany's, through to Northbridge. Early in 2010, the EPRA was on the verge of opening the first rejuvenated section of William Street, in the vicinity of the Brass Monkey. Rents have been raised by around 100%. Doubled, before the first part of the link has even begun. Some of the tennants that started the whole William Street revival, have already been advised their rents will be increasing by at least 50%.

Back to the present. Ironically, public organisations such as the Perth City Council and the East Perth Redevelopment Authority are doing all of this to increase vibrancy (I know a guy who runs a small website called The Worst of Perth who shits chimpanzees at the very mention of the word "vibrancy"). Well, if vibrancy is government code for "the sandwich queue at Subway has increased by 193%" or "we have observed a 1400% increase in the number of daytime shoppers with Prada handbags", then they're on the right path. Of course, there will also be a corresponding marked decrease in the number of daytime shoppers wearing Ray Bans, cut off skinny jeans and riding fixies. So, it's not all bad.

The worry with Northbridge, is it really is the last good suburb in Perth. Highgate is now done for. Anyone been to the Queens lately? How is it these days? Exactly. Leederville Hotel anyone? Exactly. Flying Scotsman is, well, doing admirably, but, the rest of Mount Lawley is over. Apart from HAL. Ever tried to get a good Asian meal in Mount Lawley? Exactly. Wok-In-The-Motha-Fuckin-Box, or you go hungry. Antonio's rolls? Haven't been back since that lady with the bird-flu decided it was a good idea not only to turn up to work, but to build my chicken schnitzel, Jarlsberg and anti-pasto roll (with added germs for flavour). Tan-po-po? Your rice is lumpy, and you burn through Japanese trainees at a rate of about 200 a year. Something aint right there. The other Japanese place?  Dudes from Hong Kong. Beaufort Street Bloggers, you have to get some Malaysian food next time you do a review. Oh wait, there isn't any! Last I heard, those bloggers were re-grouping for an imminent William Street Bloggers re-branding.

Yes, Northbridge changing beyond recognition - its unstoppable. But, just think of a Perth without a Northbridge. Make your own mind up if that's good or bad. The thing is, it will happen. Exit diversity, enter, as they say in Singapore - same same.

Jimmy Tsui's Seven Stars Praying Mantis Kung Fu School. When I go down an alley in a city, this is the type of thing I expect to see. If this alley was cleaned up, it would make a great location for some kind of designer bathroom accessories warehouse. That little cartoon Praying Mantis mascot on their sign just needs a slight modification - perhaps a Praying Mantis in a bath tub, washing his back with an eco-friendly loofa, 3 pairs of Egyptian cotton slippers laid beside, Ralph Lauren white bathrobe ready and waiting.

The picture below is the entrance to my local butcher - Dat Than Butcher. He will never, ever, clean those tags. On a rejuvenated William Street, this would ideally be a Leonards Chicken. Times like these, there needs to be an emoticon that represents shuddering, fear, and gastro-related illness. Closest I could come up with is this one, I call it "man holding in his puke"  :-(*) 

Its not like Perth has a lack of other areas that are under-utilised, and we just have to rejuvenate Northbridge before we run out of space. The photos below are from the Hay Street Mall. Look up next time you're walking down there, and realise the extent of upstairs empty spaces right in the middle of the city. Seriously, I am going to check out every single abandoned Cinema in Perth one day, there must be a dozen.

Finally, this is right next door to the abandoned Treasury Building. Or is it the Bronx? Of course it isn't, if it was the Bronx it would actually be used for something (hands up who is thinking of crack dens right now).

So. Northbridge - Perth's best suburb. Is it going to change? By how much? Will it suck? Does it suck now?My predictions are right here, add yours to the comments. You can even be anonymous. In the meantime, check out Northbridge, during the day. I recommend that bar where they serve beer in 750ml longneck bottles, and cocktails in old jam-jars. You know the one, right next to the Flight Centre franchise.

Enjoy.